“I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine.”
–Neil Armstrong

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THERESA WILLETT – In Other People’s Words

Two years ago today, my cell phone rang a little after 9 a.m. on a sunny Tuesday morning, and after that I was a girl without a mother.

My mom was a woman you don’t forget.  Everywhere she went people loved her.  She bore a debilitating, undignified illness with patience, humor and grace.  She was my hero and my best friend and the person I always wanted to be, and the passing of  730 days since her death hasn’t made it any easier for me to figure out how to be in the world without her yet.

Grief is a lot like losing your mind, very very slowly.  The rest of the world looks so sunshiney and normal and clear, and you’re living in this weird alternate universe where the edges don’t ever quite line up, but you have to pretend like they do and it takes all your effort to walk in a straight line, like a drunk person desperately trying to play sober.  Concentrate.   Keep it together.  Don’t look down. It’s so disorienting . . . Who do you ask now when you need to figure out how to cider-brine a pork loin or stand up for yourself, how to pick a hairstyle that flatters the shape of your face, how to have faith in a terrifying world, how to suffer with grace, how to put others first, how to win at Scrabble without cheating, how to decorate the Christmas tree correctly or be a kind person?  Maybe that’s what being an adult means – having to learn for yourself all the things that you wanted your mother to tell you.  It means getting out of bed and going to work, it means doing the dishes and sweeping the porch, it means going to church, loving your family, and speaking your mind without someone standing right there telling you to do it.  No matter how you feel, no matter how hard it is not to just stay in bed and pull the covers over your head and turn off the phone and stay there forever.   Because she would never, ever do that herself.  She never did that once.  We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep moving.  That’s who we are.

So today I am remembering my mother as she was all my life – not just at the end, when she was sick and in a wheelchair, when she could only communicate with the talking computer and just drinking water was a struggle – but the woman I grew up with . . . the tough, funny, no-nonsense, brave woman of faith that changed so many people’s lives simply by being who she was.

When she died, a vast community came together to grieve with us, support us and keep us from falling apart.  From the middle and high school students who hosted her funeral rosary, to the 15 priests and Archbishop who concelebrated her funeral and the 750+ people of all ages and backgrounds and beliefs who attended, to the neighbors and friends who kept us well-fed and stocked with groceries and fresh flowers, to the family who came together not five days after her death to celebrate Easter, we were surrounded by love and we were never alone.  For months, our family was swamped with emails, cards, notes, letters, texts, phone calls, and Facebook messages from people telling us what she had meant to them, and the impact she had had on their lives.  From her high school friends to my dad’s coworkers, from nuns and priests to gay rights activists, from New Yorkers to Portlanders, from Catholics to Buddhists . . . hundreds of people took time out of their day to share with us their memories and thoughts about my mom and the way she touched the world around her.  Here are some of the things they said.

“Your mom was an incredible woman. I count myself lucky to have done something right in life to have known her.”

“Our best tribute to her is to follow her example.”

“I’ll always remember your mom as a nice woman with a big heart and great sense of humor. She’d always make the extra effort to cross a busy Fred Meyer’s produce section to say hello, ask me what I’m up to and catch me up on all her kids. She was always easy for me to talk to—very down to earth and never the type to make others feel small or uncomfortable. Your mom is a great woman that no one will forget.”

“Theresa was a wonderful women with a great spirit for life!  I am sure that she will be missed by many in the All Saints community, notwithstanding how much she will be missed by you and your family.  A mother is very special and yours was special plus.  God be with her on her new journey, and we send all of our blessings.”

“We are grateful that we had a chance to meet your charming and warm mother.”

“I remember meeting your mom at Whitman, and being struck by what an amazing energy and spirit she had.”

“I stopped by this evening, but there was no answer at the door. The lights were on and Theresa’s chair was right there. It was so poignant and touching to see it all by itself with the house all lit up.  The lesson she and you all have taught us about love and faith is enormous. We hope with all our hearts that you are feeling that lesson learned coming right back to you. For in your grief we are holding you close.”

“You continue to be in every prayer we pray.”

“I am so sorry for your loss.  Your Mother was like a Sister to me . . . what a remarkable woman she was.   Knowing she is no longer suffering is helping me accept this.   Now I just keep thinking she is watching over all of us. Your Mother was so proud of you.”

“I’m just glad she had such an amazing family to live on her legacy.”

“I definitely have a richer life with knowing and loving Theresa and your family. I will continue to carry Theresa in my heart each and every day… as her smile and spirit will remind me to take in each day for its riches and pleasures… and to not take for granted what time we are provided here on earth.”

“Please know of our sincere sympathy and great sadness at the death of your beloved spouse and mother.  We consider it a great privilege to have called her “friend” and to have known and watched all the amazing things she accomplished with great grace.  You are her living legacies and her love will always be with you.  You are all to be commended for the beautiful care you gave her in her final heroic struggles.  Thank you for letting me visit with her and share some of the end times.”

“You mom is an amazing woman, and an inspiration to all whose lives she touched.”

“Your mother was one of the most amazing women I’ve ever known.”

“I’ve often struggled with my own faith (especially in the last few years) and several fairly casual conversations with Theresa on the subject convinced me that struggle was natural and sometimes even necessary.  Instead of guilt, then, I felt renewal — and I think that’s as fitting a tribute to Theresa as I can put into words at this moment: through struggle comes growth; through death, renewal; through love, faith and hope.  She lived her faith, and when her faith faltered, she turned to her love of family and friends to carry her through.  She certainly lives on in her continued inspiration in so many lives.”

“Theresa was a wonderful and amazing woman.  What she has given to this world will live on for a long long time!”

“My thoughts are with you and your family. As you move through these next days, weeks and months, I know you will find her spirit strong in the house, and her voice will be clear in your memory.”

“I will miss your dear mother, but I am happy that she is in Heaven now.”

“Heaven definitely has received another angel – Your Mom will always be with us.”

“I have been blessed and honored to be counted among Theresa’s friends.  Her legacy and spirit lives on in each of you and in those of us who knew her.  She may be gone from our presence, but I have been transformed by the grace with which she lived her life.  I will continue to be inspired over and over again by her faith, intellect, vision, and the spunk that made Theresa, Theresa.”

“It seems fitting, in so many ways, that your mom would pass during Holy Week.  We will be at the service next week to celebrate your mom’s life with all of you and remember an extraordinary human being.”

“She was a wonderful woman and I will never forget her.”

“Your mom was an awesome lady.”

“Your mother was such a wonderful, deep person and her absence will leave a void for an entire community.  People like her simply do not come along that often.  She had a major influence on so on many. She was graceful, strong and a role model all the way to the finish.”

“Her sense of humor is what I most remember . . . What a lady.”

“I will be interested to hear what this Triduum experience is like for you & your family.  I can only imagine the amazing congruence of your mom’s death and the experiences of Holy Week, and all the feelings and emotions it must stir up.  Suffering and death and resurrection are always powerful, but never more so, I imagine, than now.”

“She was such a loving woman of indomitable spirit and grace.”

“I loved and love her dearly.  She was such a special woman-thoughtful and vibrant!!  She took on the most difficult of tasks and always pulled it off to look easy.  A classy lady whether the hostess at her party or pulling weeds in her garden.  She always made everyone feel at ease.  Just remember, she will always be with you.  She has just stepped through the door we all will pass through to see the other side. She will be looking out for her family from above!”

“I remember your mother as a kind and gracious woman, a loving mother and wife, with a good sense of humor and a strong faith.  I give thanks for the way she touched this world, not least through her daughters.”

I Shall Use My Time
I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.

—Jack London

FEAST OF OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE

Click HERE for Daily Mass Readings.

REFLECTION

Today is the feast of the Lady of Guadalupe, a great day of celebration in Mexico.  Click HERE for the whole story!

Say a Hail Mary and pray together as a family with special intentions for the people of Mexico and Latin America, and all the immigrants – both legal and illegal – living in our country.  Say a prayer for an end to racism and prejudice towards all people.

PRAYER ACTIVITY

There are over 365,000 immigrants living in Oregon, nearly 10% of the population.  Of those, nearly 40% came here from Mexico, and many if not most live in extreme poverty.  Consider honoring the Lady of Guadalupe this Advent by volunteering or making a donation as a family to one of these organizations helping communities in Mexico, and Mexican-Americans and immigrants living right here in Oregon.

• El Programa Hispano, a program of Catholic Charities of Oregon, provides vital services to our immigrant brothers and sisters in Christ, especially to families and children.

• The Multnomah Education Service District (MESD) offers a Migrant Education Program designed to keep immigrant kids in school despite barriers of language, culture, and sometimes family pressure to work.

Click HERE for Daily Mass readings.

REFLECTION

Play Sarah Hart’s beautiful, melancholy cover of “It Came Upon the Midnight Clear”.  Get comfortable and close your eyes to listen to this one – imagine you’re walking at night in the snow!

PRAYER ACTIVITY

Listen to this song and reflect in silence.  Then take a family walk together after dinner and look at the Christmas lights in your neighborhood, or make plans to go to a public festival of lights in your town – if you’re in Portland, go to The Grotto.  Look at the lights, enjoy the cold and the quiet, and just reflect on that night in Bethlehem and what it might have been like.  In the dark and stillness, let God in.

Click HERE for Daily Mass Readings.

REFLECTION

“It might be easy to run away to a monastery, away from the commercialization, the hectic hustle, the demanding family responsibilities of Christmas-time. Then we would have a holy Christmas. But we would forget the lesson of the Incarnation, of the enfleshing of God—the lesson that we who are followers of Jesus do not run from the secular; rather we try to transform it. It is our mission to make holy the secular aspects of Christmas just as the early Christians baptized the Christmas tree. And we do this by being holy people—kind, patient, generous, loving, laughing people—no matter how maddening is the Christmas rush…“

–Fr. Andrew Greeley

PRAYER ACTIVITY

With exactly two weeks until Christmas (oh no!!!), lines will be long, parking will be insane, people will be stressed.  For the next two weeks, every time you are out in public, challenge yourself with this commitment:  For every person that you meet, vow to be the kindest and most patient person they speak to all day.  Keep in mind that old hymn – “They’ll know we are Christians by our love.”

This week, as you shop and socialize, BE VISIBLY CHRISTIAN.  Show your faith in the way you treat waiters, store clerks, the driver in front of you, annoying siblings and classmates, strangers at holiday parties, your overbearing boss.  Say a silent Hail Mary if you feel yourself losing your temper and need a little backup.

Click HERE for Daily Mass readings.

REFLECTION

“When the Bible says holy it means ‘separate’ or ‘different.’ The word implies being healthy and whole in a world where much is un-healthy and fragmented. The English phrase ‘hale and hearty’ sums up true holiness.  Holiness includes such concepts as humor and laughter, compassion and understanding, and the capacity to forgive and be forgiven, to love and be loved. That’s holiness.  Holy families are not free from conflict, nor do they never hurt one another. Holiness in families, rather, comes from learning to forgive and to be reconciled, and learning to face our problems and do something about them.  In family life, holy means striving to surrender to God’s light within us when the darkness around us seems overwhelming. It means struggling day after day to bring creative order—if only a bit of it—to the chaos in our lives. When we work at cultivating forgiveness, reconciliation, and community, we embody God’s holy will in the context of family life.”

–”Is Your Family Holy?” Mitch Finley, Catholic Digest, Jan. 1993

PRAYER ACTIVITY

Is YOUR family holy?

Read this passage out loud.  Take a moment of silence and think about THE Holy Family, Mary and Joseph and Jesus.  Think about what we know about them from Scripture, and what we imagine their lives together might have been like.  Think about Mary, crying at her Son’s cross, or Joseph, waking up in the middle of the night to lead his wife and child to safety in Egypt.  Think about Mary and Joseph’s worry when Jesus goes to the temple and they can’t find him.  Think about Jesus learning carpentry from his dad, going to work with him in the mornings and coming home at night for dinner.

Go around in a circle and have each person say a prayer to Mary and Joseph to bless your family with holiness this Advent season, and to take away all the things between your family members that cause arguments, conflict, fighting, or unhappiness.  Say a prayer of thanks that you are blessed with a family when many people are alone this season.

FEAST OF THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION

Click HERE for Daily Mass readings.

Today we celebrate Mary and her pure, sinless birth.  We bless her for the gifts she has given us and strive to be like her.

Say the rosary for the Joyful Mysteries: The Annunciation, The Visitation, The Nativity, The Presentation, and The Finding of Jesus In the Temple.  These five mysteries celebrate Mary as a mother.

Forgot how the rosary goes?  Here’s a cheat sheet with all the prayers and everything you’ll need.  And go HERE for a version of the rosary that includes the story of each mystery, with one line to be read before each Hail Mary.  This will help you reflect on Mary’s life as you pray.

When you come to the end, take a minute of silence together to think about Mary, who was a mom and a wife and a niece and a daughter.  Think about how important her family was to her, and how loving she was.  Ask Mary to bless and uphold all the women and girls in your life, and to fill their hearts with love like hers this Advent season.  Say a special prayer for any women you know who are pregnant or are new moms this holiday season, and ask Mary’s blessing on their health and happiness.

Click HERE for Daily Mass readings.

REFLECTION: Listen to Sarah Hart’s beautiful song “His Name Is Joseph,” sung from the perspective of Mary as she wonders how Joseph will react to her news about the visit of the angel Gabriel.  This is one of my all-time favorite Advent songs!

PRAYER ACTIVITY:As you listen to this song, reflect on Saint Joseph.  He has no words in the Bible, so we can only judge him by his actions – deciding to divorce Mary quietly (so as to spare her family shame and humiliation) when he learned she was pregnant, then choosing to trust her and stay with her after the angel told him she was carrying the Son of God; protecting her during her pregnancy and taking his family into Egypt for safety.  He did everything God asked of him.  He raised a Son who loved, cherished, and respected women and children – unusual for his time.  Say a Hail Mary and an Our Father for fathers, stepfathers, foster fathers, grandfathers, and all the other men of the world who raise and serve as role models for children.

Click HERE for Sunday Mass readings

BLESSING FOR THE ADVENT WREATH

Blessed are you, O Lord our God, king of the universe. You sent your Son to be the Light of the world and to spread his light of love to all. Bless us and accept these wreaths of light made from our hands. May their ever increasing brightness be a sign to us of the approaching nearness of your Son, that we might prepare in joy for his humble birth in a manger and be ready to receive him at his coming again in glory; through the same Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.

Light the Second Candle: Stir up our hearts, O Lord, to prepare the paths of thine Only-begotten Son: that we may worthily serve thee with hearts purified by His coming: Who livest and reignest with God the Father in the unity of the Holy Spirit, ever one God, world without end. Amen.

Click HERE for Daily Mass Readings.

REFLECTION

Watch this video entitled “Enter the Story” by Advent Conspiracy.

PRAYER ACTIVITY

Tonight is Saint Nicholas Eve, when children all around the world will be putting out their wooden shoes for Saint Nicholas to fill, so it’s a good time to think about gift-giving.  Do the gifts you plan to give this year support a Christian way of living, or distract from it?  How much money do you plan to spend on gift-giving?

Click HERE for more great video messages about how to re-think your holiday gift-giving. Then check out the following sites for places to shop where your dollars can make a difference.  If you have more suggestions, add them in the comments below!

Catholic Relief Services “Work of Human Hands” Program (fair trade handicrafts, chocolate & coffee)

Catholic Campaign for Human Development’s Economic Development Program (directory of links for gifts and crafts from low-income communities worldwide)

Monastery Greetings (products made by monks and nuns throughout the US; proceeds go to support their monasteries & convents)

Global Exchange (fair trade holiday products made by people in developing countries)

International Fair Trade Association (global network of fair trade organizations with a searchable database of companies)

SERRV International’s “A Greater Gift” market (fair trade handicrafts & food from around the world):

Ten Thousand Villages (fair trade handicrafts from developing countries)

Heartbeats (religious gifts made by world artists, a ministry of the Sisters of the Humility of Mary)

Equal Exchange (fair trade coffee, chocolate & specialty drinks)

The Sisters of St. Joseph of LaGrange Ministry of the Arts (art and products created by the sisters)

The Women’s Bean Project (jewelry and gourmet foods; proceeds help women break the cycle of poverty)

Click HERE for Daily Mass Readings

REFLECTION

Go HERE to read the true story of the life of Saint Nicholas and where our gift-giving traditions come from.

PRAYER ACTIVITY

This Sunday is the feast of Saint Nicholas.  All around the world tonight, children will place wooden shoes outside filled with straw in the hopes that St. Nicholas will fill them with gifts (if they’ve been good).  Saint Nicholas was a Christian bishop who lived over 1700 years ago.  He was famous for his generosity; a wealthy man, he became known for giving to those less fortunate.  The most popular story about him (which may be true, or may be a popular myth) goes like this: A poor man had three daughters who were all getting married, but he had no money to give them on their wedding day.  One night, the girls left their stockings hung by the fire to dry, and Saint Nicholas, having heard of their misfortunes, came at dropped a bag of gold into each stocking.  This is where our tradition of Christmas stockings comes from.

This weekend, give an unexpected gift to someone who’s made a difference in your life and who represents Christ to you – something meaningful that doesn’t cost a lot.  Bake cookies, burn a mix CD, write a letter, or make something.  Spend time instead of money to show this person how much they mean to you.  Be sure to give them the gift in person and tell them why they’re so special.